The Adventures of Breeze's Yoni: On My Labor of Love and Birthing at Home

This is me, November 4, 2013, the day I went into labor. This is the belly. That is, the belly that 9 out of 10 strangers confidently told me, “You’re having a boy? You are shaped like you are having a boy!” I couldn’t really argue, as I was shaped exactly the same way with my son (pointy and low). With my daughter (2nd child), I carried her “wide”. So, it would make sense that that belly above was carrying another boy. Oh, and I craved tomatoes during the entire pregnancy, a sure sign that I’m having a boy.

Sun (4 years old) and Eva Luna (2 years old) giving the baby a kiss of love on November 3, 2013 at San Francisco Zen Center at Green Gulch.

Me in the birthing pool at our home. I look relaxed, but that’s because I’m in between those sucky crappy contractions.

Active labor started at around November 5, 2013 1217am. Perfect timing, as my mother in law had arrived 4 hours before, from Germany.

My husband was the perfect birthing partner. At the very end, when I really thought I didn’t have the strength to push anymore, he was sitting behind me, holding me, as I sat on the birthing stool…and he was shoving the finest organic vegan fair trade chocolate into my mouth to give me energy. And he made me 2 or 3 Garden of Life Raw protein drinks with banana and Yerba Mate. My mother in law also had brought some yummy vegan organic gummy bears from Munich, Germany, and those gave me energy too.

This labor was easier than my 1st, but harder than my 2nd. It was 7 hours long, but the contractions were quite unbearable because the baby was turned the ‘wrong way’. She kept on pressing up against my tail bone area and the pain was intense, but then my husband would push his hands against my back whenever I was having the contractions and that made it feel a lot better. Seriously, it’s during those intense moments of discomfort that I ask myself, “Um, why am I putting myself through this again!?” And yea, I’ll be honest, several times I told my husband, “I don’t think I can do this. I don’t have the energy. Just take me to the hospital and have them do the rest.”

But, my wonderful husband/birthing partner and my birthing team , Sacred Birth Place from Oakland, CA, were amazing. No surprise, as they helped deliver our first two kids at our home as well. My husband and the birthing team of two midwives and a doula encouraged me and let me know that I can do it and will have the energy to bring my baby into the world. And sorry if this is too much information, but what I love about home birthing is that you can eat eat eat. In the hospital, you are not allowed to eat; you get ‘energy’ from an IV. Hell no, not for me. With home birthing you have to be comfortable with being naked around everyone (not problem with me, as if it were legal, I’d be in the nude all the time). But you also have to understand that when you push push push push, it’s like you’re taking the biggest dump in the world… and in fact, you are pooping while you are pushing. The birthing team takes care of that, cleans you up, and I love that comfort that they have. I think the reason that the most hospitals don’t let you eat while in labor is because they fear that if you must have a C section, you should not have food in your tummy…and, I guess they just think that pooping while pushing is “gross” (?).

By 630am I was fully dilated. I pushed the baby’s head out at around 712am, while on the birthing stool. I thought my ass was done. The crowning was done, the head was out, and I was exhausted… but then my midwife commanded me to quickly get on the bed on all fours and push the baby out (as the other position was not as efficient). I almost said, “Screw you!” I was so tired and now I had to crawl on the bed on all fours and push some more!?

But, with the help of my husband, doula, and other midwife, I got up on the bed and with one big final push, the baby came out. 8lb 6oz, 21 inches long. 718am.

Me and Baby 2 days postpartum. I no longer look busted or like I have been completely depleted after trying to push a watermelon that was in a posterior position, out of my yoni….

Baby and Eva Luna debating about whose poop smells worse…

Oh, and by the way, everyone was wrong about the shape of my belly coinciding with the genitalia of the baby: Baby number 3 came out with a yoni “down there.”

Nope, we haven’t named her yet. She goes by “Baby”. But, I do like sound of Spirulina Kale Harper- Zahn. I basically built her on those super foods 🙂 Here is the full vegan pregnancy and lactation nutritional regimen that I recommend. It’s the Sistah Vegan pregnancy nutrition method and you should experience great results. Yes, consult your practitioner before trying anything I recommend. I just wanted to note that I did not have any of these that so many women and girls experience during pregnancy in the USA: